I got born with a brain wired for optimism, which has been a pretty fantastic experience, 10/10 would genetically engineer.
My life has been peppered with fun little chapters like "avoiding formal education" and "getting an unflattering photo in playboy" and "running my own business I need to wear clothes for". I nude model because I woke up in a body with an insane waist-hip ratio and figured one shouldn't disappoint God.
I'm sympathetic to self destruction as a byproduct of the search for truth, which sounds very romantic but in practice means something like going 'whoah, man' while staring at your hand for eight minutes. One of my primary goals is learning to think more rationally, despite the fact my third eye is now basically a gaping windsock after having been fucked by the fat cock of the universe one too many times.
I'm a self-taught researcher, general autodidact, accordion player, and repetitive plant killer. I love statistics and data so much it hurts.
Books that have made me cry include the Tao Te Ching, Name of the Wind, Gödel Escher Bach, Permutation City, and Impro.
This isn't my job, it's my hobby
So I have a Little List
My Little List is a list of a small handful of names. The total amount changes a little depending on how much time I have, but I only see people with names on the list! If your name is on the list, then you can book an appointment with me whenever you'd like, with no wait (within reason!).
Please submit an application to get on the waitlist, which I'm currently estimating at 3-6 months. Not all applications are accepted.
When a spot opens up on the Little List, the name at the top of the waitlist will be added to fill that spot. I'll email you when you get on the Little List! Please see me within two months of your first time getting on the Little List in order to maintain your spot. I do make reasonable accomodation for travel!
To stay on the Little List, you must book an appointment with me at least once every four months. If more than six months pass without us seeing each other, your name automatically drops to the bottom of the waitlist.
In case of impatience, break glass.
You can jump to the top of the waitlist immediately with a donation of $5,000, which I'll accept as an add-on to our first meeting.
Please email me at email@example.com with
1. An introduction! Who are you, why do you want to see me, why do you think we'd enjoy each other's company?
2. AND EITHER
a. References from two other providers you've seen in the last six months (including email addresses and websites)
OR ALL OF THE FOLLOWING
b1. Your phone number
b2. Proof of employment (photo of work badge, linkedin, or work website with a photo
b3. Your full legal name and
b4. Photo of your ID (you can black out the license number and other sensitive info)
I'm flexible, but my ideal is a light meal - probably dinner! If our date is longer, then dinner and a show, with "show" meaning anything where we sit together and bond as we look at something neither of us usually look at - anything from Broadway to ducks. And then of course, we'll let the magic of the night lead us where feels right.
I'm based in Austin, but if you cover my business class flight + 500 for travel time, I might come see you anywhere in the US for a minimum rate of 2 hours. If you're outside of the US, then I negotiate this on a case-by-case basis.
I might be familiar ;) I'm pretty well known online and happy to talk about this in person.
My enjoyment gland is throbbingly huge. If I can enjoy modern art museums, you'll be a breeze.
I'm triple vaxxed and have had a thrilling amount of prior covid exposure, despite never testing positive, so there's a good chance I have some antibodies swirling around.
If we're meeting in public, please include the donation in a card or small gift (like a book or magazine). If we're meeting in private, please leave the donation in a clearly visible place, like a counter, and then excuse yourself to the restroom.
If we're in the middle of something and want to go longer, a donation of 1500 will gently usher in another hour.
If people can't tell at first glance that you and I are engaging in sordid debauchery then why are we even here
this is a joke I in fact wear normal clothes
If you ever wanted to sew your own Abigail doll, now you can!
Height: 5'8" | Waist: 25.5" | Bra: 32DD | Hips: 38" | Weight: 130lbs
Dress size: 2 | Panty size: Medium (5) | Shoe size: 6.5-7 | Ring size: 5.25-6 | Earrings: Hypoallergenic | Tattoos: None
I have a wishlist here if you'd like to give me a gift in person, and another here if you'd like to mail it to me. But if you like the hunt:
• Colors (clothing): White is my favorite; I also love muted earthy: dim blues and well-worn greens and mustard yellows.
• Ancient artifacts (the older the better)
• Jimmy Choo shoes
• Cheese and muddy wine
• Exceedingly unusual trinkets
• Logic puzzle toys
• Flamboyant silk robes, bonus points for embroidery instead of print
• Really peaty whiskey
• An original M. C. Escher, you sexy god you
• Incredibly expensive lingerie, not only because it looks good but because I like the symbolism of wearing eroticized money all over my body
• Things I can wear on my head
• Interesting or unusual earrings
Do you like being scared? Do you want to be scared more? Can you find enjoyment in the sense of fear?
"Looks just like the photos!"
"Like really soothing torture"
"I got into this hobby to get over my fear of death but Abigail did not help at all"
"She's got a great... personality"
"Same price range as a used car but a better ride"
"No limbs missing and smelled pretty good. 5/5"
"Weirdly interactive for a nude model"
"Best 5 minutes of my life since they outlawed mango vape."
"The Pedestal convoy in 1942 had four aircraft carriers, two battleships, and over 30 destroyers for escort. I felt even better escorted than that."
“IQ/weight > 1”
"Just like my ex wife, but the exact opposite"