Abigail Glass

come to me in my hour of need

what circumstances
were necessary

I got born with a brain wired for optimism, which has been a pretty fantastic experience, 10/10 would genetically engineer.

My life has been peppered with fun little chapters like "avoiding formal education" and "getting an unflattering photo in playboy" and "running my own business I need to wear clothes for". I nude model because I woke up in a body with an insane waist-hip ratio and figured one shouldn't disappoint God.

I'm sympathetic to self destruction as a byproduct of the search for truth, which sounds very romantic but in practice means something like going 'whoah, man' while staring at your hand for eight minutes. One of my primary goals is learning to think more rationally, despite the fact my third eye is now basically a gaping windsock after having been fucked by the fat cock of the universe one too many times.

I'm a self-taught researcher, general autodidact, accordion player, and repetitive plant killer. I love statistics and data so much it hurts, and I've scored top 0.1th percentile in an officially administered test involving ravens progressive matrices.

Books that have made me cry include the Tao Te Ching, Name of the Wind, Gödel Escher Bach, Permutation City, and Impro.

This is my hobby, not my job. I'm financially independent, creatively engaged, and do this because I miss it when I don't.

how this works


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Application Form

Please email me at glassabigail@protonmail.com with

1. An introduction! Who are you, why do you want to see me, why do you think we'd enjoy each other's company?

a. References from two other providers you've seen in the last six months (including email addresses and websites)

b1. Your phone number
b2. Proof of employment (photo of work badge, linkedin, or work website with a photo
b3. Your full legal name and
b4. Photo of your ID (you can black out the license number and other sensitive info)


What do we do on longer dates?

I'm flexible, but my ideal is a light meal - probably dinner! If our date is longer, then dinner and a show, with "show" meaning anything where we sit together and bond as we look at something neither of us usually look at - anything from Broadway to ducks. And then of course, we'll let the magic of the night lead us where feels right.

What cities do you visit?

I'm based in Austin, but visit the bay area often. Email me to see when I'll be in town next!
If you cover my business class flight + 500 for travel time, I might come see you anywhere in the US for a minimum rate of 2 hours. If you're outside of the US, then I negotiate this on a case-by-case basis.

You look familiar

I might be familiar ;) I'm pretty well known online for my waist-hip ratio, writing, and interviews, and am happy to talk about this in person.

Will you enjoy seeing me?

My enjoyment gland is throbbingly huge. If I can enjoy modern art museums, you'll be a breeze.

What's your preferred etiquette?

If we're meeting in public, please include the donation in a card or small gift (like a book or magazine). If we're meeting in private, please leave the donation in a clearly visible place, like a counter, and then excuse yourself to the restroom.

What if I'd like to extend our meeting?

If we're in the middle of something and want to go longer, a donation of 1000 will gently usher in another hour.

Will your clothes embarrass me?

If people can't tell at first glance that you and I are engaging in sordid debauchery then why are we even here

this is a joke I in fact wear normal clothes

I like your photos, but I'm a numbers guy.

If you ever wanted to sew your own Abigail doll, now you can!
Height: 5'8" | Waist: 25.5" | Bra: 32DD | Hips: 38" | Weight: 130lbs
Dress size: 2 | Panty size: Medium (5) | Shoe size: 6.5-7 | Ring size: 5.25-6 | Earrings: Hypoallergenic | Tattoos: None

I want to get you a material object. What do you like?

I have a wishlist here if you'd like to give me a gift in person, and another here if you'd like to mail it to me. But if you like the hunt:

• Colors (clothing): White is my favorite; I also love muted earthy: dim blues and well-worn greens and mustard yellows.
• Ancient artifacts (the older the better)
• Jimmy Choo shoes
• Cheese and muddy wine
• Exceedingly unusual trinkets
• Logic puzzle toys
• Flamboyant silk robes, bonus points for embroidery instead of print
• Really peaty whiskey
• An original M. C. Escher, you sexy god you
• Incredibly expensive lingerie, not only because it looks good but because I like the symbolism of wearing eroticized money all over my body
• Fossils
• Things I can wear on my head
• Interesting or unusual earrings

I'm new and scared

Do you like being scared? Do you want to be scared more? Can you find enjoyment in the sense of fear?

More Photos


"Looks just like the photos!"

"Like really soothing torture"

"I got into this hobby to get over my fear of death but Abigail did not help at all"

"She's got a great... personality"

"Same price range as a used car but a better ride"

"No limbs missing and smelled pretty good. 5/5"

"Weirdly interactive for a nude model"

"Best 5 minutes of my life since they outlawed mango vape."

"The Pedestal convoy in 1942 had four aircraft carriers, two battleships, and over 30 destroyers for escort. I felt even better escorted than that."

“IQ/weight > 1”

"Just like my ex wife, but the exact opposite"

Do who makes you happy